OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
