i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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