At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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