Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
