She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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