New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize