Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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