I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
