I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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