Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
