Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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