We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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