I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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