Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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