peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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