im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
