We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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