If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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