And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
