does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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