Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
