Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
