Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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