no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize