I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm at about main and main street
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
