I didn't shave. On purpose
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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