Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
