I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
