You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
