I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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