Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
