there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
