So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
