oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
