her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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