I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
