it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
