I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
