its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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