I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize