Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
