how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
