I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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