Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
