if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
