you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize