I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
