he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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