Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
