I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize