Please, let me fuck your mom
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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