If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
