my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
