Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize