I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
