I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
