dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
