I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize