I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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