ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
