Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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