There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
