Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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