Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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