Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
