how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
