I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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