what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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