Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
