from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
