you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
