I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
