I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We just shotgunned beers for America
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize