Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
