so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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