somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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