After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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