yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
