New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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