Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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