forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I understand Curling. That high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
MIDGETS
????
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
