I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
