My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
