this just has baby written all over it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
