I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
