Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no you cant smoke seaweed
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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