I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
