I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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