Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
