can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
