Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
