did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think a kid would responsible me up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your shirt... Was in my pants
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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