I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
