I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
