when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
don't judge my taste in strippers
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
