I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
