Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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