Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
