all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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