So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
