I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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