i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
