Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Bring me that man meat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
