so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
