what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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