I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
