if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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