i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
