____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do vagina's smell?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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