My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I puked a lego.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
