also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i barfeds in our rink
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
