Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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