bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize