I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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