i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
