Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
