I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
