You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
