what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
